Right Now

14 May

When I was young (when nobody talked for a while) my mom would put her hand on my knee and say “what are you thinking about, right now?”. I would tell her then. Of course I don’t remember what I would tell her precisely, because I’m not the same person I was. I was quite another person with different sorts of thoughts (I think) and probably also different ways of sharing them.

One day (and I don’t remember exactly what the day was, or even how old I was when it came) my mom asked me this question. I was thinking about something (and what, specifically I also do not recall) which I didn’t want to share with her. Maybe I was thinking about a boy, for instance, and didn’t want to share this with her. I might have thought that an adult wouldn’t have  understood. But you see, this day was a long time ago; so long ago that I don’t even remember it all too well.

And the years passed, and for a while the question was answered with only an “I don’t know” (although I did know, of course), and then the question stopped altogether. Now the things that I think about during long pauses are the sorts of things that I ought to talk about with people my own age, because they are the sorts of things that people my own age understand.

Sometimes there are pauses between you and me, and we won’t talk for a while. I don’t know quite what to say… there is nothing for me to say, really. I only thought that it would be nice if I could find a way to break this barrier, you know? I would like for you to know that I think about you when we aren’t talking. I wish that I could ask you what you’re thinking about. “What are you thinking about right now?” I would like to be able to ask you this. I would like to, and yet I don’t know how.

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2 Responses to “Right Now”

  1. Karin Elaine June 24, 2013 at 3:44 am #

    I love this. 🙂

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