I Want Your Bad Writing

5 Jan

I want your bad writing.

I want all the poems you wrote when you were feeling too much hurt to put words in a logical order. I want you sloppy grammar and penmanship, and I want the words to be mispelled the way they were in the first draft.

I want to hear every thought you ever had about yourself. I know that nothing has really happened to you in your life that sets you apart from any other teenager, but I don’t care. I want you to start every sentence with “I”. I want.

I want you to use all the normal prescribed fixes for bad writing. I want parallel structure and repetition. Try it. It won’t make your writing any better, but it will make it look like you’re trying harder. When you try that hard and your writing still sucks, then I’ll know you’re at your very best.

I want the words straight out of a thesaurus, too. Pack ten adjectives into that sentence and it’s still not enough. It’s still not enough for the things you’re feeling in your very average, teenage, American life.

Do you think I’m kidding? I’m not. Watch me make all the mistakes of a terrible writer. Watch me care. I care.

I want your bad writing because I understand. I can see through your crappy writing because I write it too. I can see exactly what you were trying to say. You think that underneath your lack of experience there is originality in you that is just waiting to come out. You’ll be the next beatnik. You’ll start a revolution. Of course, you’re wrong. Under your lack of experience is an average teenager who is naturally self-obsessed. But that’s okay, I want to hear it anyways.

I’m sick of perfection. I’m sick of sacrifice and complication and grand ideas. All I want is to know that somebody else is out there writing line after line of horrible, awful, self-centered teenage nonsense that will one day make them cringe with embarrassment.

I want writing that is as bad as mine. More honest, and all-around worse.


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