10 Reasons To Be A Salmon

21 Aug

Although reincarnation probably isn’t actually a thing irl, it would still be pretty durn cool if it was. After some deep thought, I decided that I would wish to live out my next life a salmon. Why, you ask? Well here are ten reasons:

10.) Trying A New Body Type

Although being a mammal definitely has its upsides, it seem like every being’s soul journey should include some experience as a fish. After all, the constant swimming sounds naturally therapeutic. Plus- you’re always getting exercise! On top of that, you would be able to try living in both saltwater and freshwater environments, as the salmon life cycle includes both.

9.) Not Getting Lonely

Salmon travel in large groups, so getting lonely would not be a concern even for a second! Of course, most of the other salmon in your group are fierce competition, but at least they’re there for entertainment purposes. Don’t get too attached, though, because most of them will die before you start your freshwater journey north.

8.) Aesthetically Pleasing

If you’re going to be a fish, then you might as well be a good-looking fish. The salmon’s smooth flank and brilliant red color as it nears its final days make it one of the most beautiful fish in existence (and definitely the most beautiful cross-over freshwater/saltwater fish).

7.) Intelligent For A Fish

A salmon’s brain sends hormones to its body so that it can adjust to its saltwater stage. As if that’s not enough, most salmon are able to find their way back to the EXACT stream where they were born, still, worry not, because as a salmon you would still have:

6.) A Small Brain And Thus Perpetual Fulfillment

Sure, you’ll die after laying the eggs of the next generation, but as a salmon, the likelihood of you understanding this is little to none. The forebrain, midbrain and hindbrain of your basic salmon control the following: basic senses, swimming, body functions, sense of location, and little else. You can skip the whole midlife crisis and go straight to the fulfilled death.

5.) Sparkly

A salmon glitters without glitter makeup or a sequined cardigan. When compared with my human life, my life as a salmon will save me either 1.) 30 minutes average makeup application time (don’t judge), or 2.) $19.80 at Forever 21.

4.) Short Life

The life of a salmon typically lasts between 1 and 5 years, but rarely exceeds 8 years. Of course this may sound life a downside, but in a world of reincarnations, it’s really not. As soon as your salmon-life is over, you could be busy living the life of a meerkat. Or a platypus. Plus, keep in mind, in your future-salmon-brain, you won’t really understand the concept of death.

3.) Respect

As a salmon, you’ll get that respect you’ve always longed for. Everybody respects the salmon. And why shouldn’t they? The salmon lives a hard life. In fact, most salmon don’t even live long enough to reproduce. But although it is a hard life, it most definitely is a:

2.) Life Of Adventure

Maybe you’ve always wanted to travel? As a salmon, you’ll be able to do just that. In fact, many salmon travel over 1,000 miles during their lifetime! Besides just traveling great distances, you will be able to experience the life of both a freshwater and saltwater fish. Few fish have this opportunity, but luckily, you’re a salmon!

1.) Majestic Water-Leaping

If none of these reasons have convinced you that the salmon-lifestyle is a thing to be longed for, then the majestic water-leaping will certainly do the job. Salmon leap out of the water mostly to avoid natural and man-made barriers, but lets be honest- nobody really cares WHY they do it. The point is; leaping out of the water on your way to the spawning grounds may actually the grandest you feel in your whole existence. And would you really want to miss that?

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